MTCJ — Gratitude. A Question of Perspective, or: Don’t Think of an Elephant
It may seem strange that I’m writing about gratitude, as I’m sitting at my little table in the hospital room, having the second round of chemo meds run into my veins, knowing that this is poison to my body and will lead to feeling quite dreadful. And indeed there is enough to be unhappy with, upset about even, when looking at my situation. There I was, preparing for Challenge Roth 2022, aiming to beat my time from last year. Training was going well, my bike FTP was higher than it’s ever been. I was fit and healthy, taking good care of myself. I was able to work from home, enjoying the company of my wife, kids and dog. No major problems in my life to worry about. And then, out of nowhere, the hammer came down and shattered all of that. No more training. No more being comfortable at home. A huge issue that is occupying my mind. My fitness, which I had worked hard for, gradually dissolving into thin air. My health — well, I’m not healthy. I have cancer, for f###’s sake! I’m going to feel nauseous soon enough. Digestive issues, my hair is gone, and various other types of pain and discomfort. My immune system used to be strong, now it’s in tatters and I have to be concerned about catching a simple cold. So how can I be grateful?
Sometimes, we take things for granted. Actually, most of the time, I’d say. We forget all the good things and focus on the few that aren’t quite as we would like them to be. We ignore all that’s going well in our lives and can only see what isn’t right! Time to change perspective! There is an interesting clip by Simon Sinek, where he speaks about this: https://youtu.be/O-IAMNgbO_M. As I am growing older (I’m 50 now — not old by any stretch, but I do notice that my perspective is changing gradually), I am learning to be grateful for all the good things in my life. Thus, I want to call out some of the things I’m grateful for. This is to remind myself of what I have (can’t do that often enough), but maybe also to get you to think about your own life, if you like, and what you can be grateful for.
Starting with my current situation: It could be so much worse! Sounds like a bit of a cliché, I know. But it’s true for me (and probably for you, too). Yes, I have cancer, and nobody wants to hear that diagnosis. But I am getting only 3 months of chemotherapy! My son has a classmate, whose father is getting 2 years(!!!) of chemo! And my prospects are very good! Chances are, by the end of my treatment, I’m done with this disease! My cancer is curable and treatment has a very high success rate. We’re not talking about life extending measures, we’re talking about eradicating it from my body! Talk about perspective…
I get to live in a country with a very good health system. I was born into this part of the world. Lots of people work much harder than I do, and yet, they never get to live in a place where good healthcare is available to them when they need it, at next to no extra cost. I was seen by a great urologist the day that I called, even though I wasn’t a patient of his yet. He diagnosed me and he and his team didn’t let me leave until they had secured an appointment for surgery less than a week later, even giving up their own lunch break! I was sent to a hospital which is simply excellent! The treatment I’m getting is top notch, everything is taken care of for me. All appointments booked for me, everything prepared. You can tell they know what they’re doing. The staff, from the senior doctors to the cleaners, are all super friendly — this is worth so much when you’re not at your best. No-one ever gives me the impression that I am a bother to them, not matter what it is. From the beginning until today, I have been fortunate to be taken care of in the best possible way! And it doesn’t look like it’s about to change…
When you are going through something life changing like a cancer diagnosis and treatment, the last thing you want to worry about is money or your job. Again, I am grateful to be in a position where these aren’t concerns for me. My employer has great support for employees on long term medical leave. My line manager and my colleagues have been nothing but understanding, supportive and helpful! I know everything is taken care of for me while I’m away, so I don’t have to worry about work. My customers, when I informed them about my extended absence, sent me their best wishes for a speedy recovery. Additionally, my line manager and colleagues have supported and encouraged me with their messages, offers to help, or just to listen if I wanted to talk. Even giving me kudos on Strava for a 20 minute walk (when I used to do 60 minute hard interval runs and 3+ hour bike rides) helps. One colleague, who has gone through cancer herself, gave me some valuable hints and tips on what else to look out for and where to get help for myself and my family. Colleagues: thank you for your kind support! It’s making things that much easier for me!
I am grateful for my extended family! My parents and sisters keep communicating with me, encouraging me, cheering me up (each one in their own way), they listen when I want to talk and accept when I don’t. My wife’s family keep sending me encouraging messages, they pray for me, send me their best wishes and support in all ways they can. Thank you! It means a lot to me and helps me get through the days!
I am in the extremely fortunate position to have access to a medical second opinion at any time, from one of the cancer authorities in the world. My brother in law, Dr Daniel Anaya at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, Florida, (https://moffitt.org/providers/daniel-anaya-saenz/) has been by my side from the day I got my diagnosis. I was able to run everything by him, he not only leveraged his own experience and expertise, but checked things with a friend in urology, accessed specialist resources, and provided me with advice that was invaluable to me. He told me what to expect, what the recommended treatment would be, what to ask and what to watch out for. He double checks every step of my journey, keeps checking in on me, encourages me and is available for any issues or concerns I may have. Dany, I know I say it every time we talk, but I can’t thank you enough! Your support is making a world of a difference! I can’t express how much this means to me, how much it’s helping me! Thank you!
And then, there are my wife and my 2 sons. What can I say! They are my rock during these stormy times! I don’t know what I would do without them — uncertainty, fear and despair would have swept over me countless times, had it not been for them! They are going through this with me, they worry about me, they take care of me. They think of all the little things and bigger things that make me happy when I feel like crying. They take on all the extra work. They are having to make radical changes to their own lives because of me and my disease, and yet, they have nothing but love and support for me! Impossible to list all the ways in which they are there for me, all the things they do for me, big and small. My angel, my boys: I cannot express in words what it means to me, and I will never be able to pay you back for all you are doing for me! Thank you for being by my side and accompanying me through this! Nobody could love me more, support me better than you do! I hope you know how much I love you and how immensely grateful I am! I’m truly a lucky man!
And of course, not to forget our precious dog Molly, whose unconditional love and unrestrained happiness to see me, no matter if I’ve been gone for 5 minutes or 5 days, give me so much strength. From the excitement to go for a walk, to the theatrical drama when she’s supposed to get on the car, seeing her splashing around in the creek or chasing after balls and sticks (and sometimes birds, rabbits and squirrels), she gives me something to look forward to.
Finally, to you, my readers: you may not even know me in person. Yet, you are reading this, some of you are clapping or even commenting. You may be going through your own challenges — maybe you or someone dear to you has testicular cancer, maybe you have other challenges you need to overcome. Or maybe you are simply interested in reading about my journey. The fact that you’re reading this, when you could be doing something else instead, means you are, for one reason or another, interested, you are getting something out of it for yourself. I’m glad I’m able to add a tiny little piece to your life. Thank you for reading and accompanying me on this journey!
I could go on, as there is a lot that I am grateful for! I’ve picked out some of the things relevant to my current situation. There is more, both directly related to my cancer journey, as well as in other parts of my life. But I think I’ve said enough. Over to you — what are you grateful for? Share with me what’s good in your life, or simply remind yourself of the things you can be thankful for! Remember what Simon Sinek said: it’s a question of perspective! Don’t think of an elephant… ;-)
